When All Feels Lost


I was 15 years old when my father left. While a divorce is devastating to all families, mine seemed all the worse, my father was a minister. I just could not understand how someone who preached what he had preached, could do all that he had done.

After my father was gone, I would overhear people at church whisper about the fact that my brother and I were now from a broken family…”what will become of them?” We were labeled, and it seemed all felt that we no longer had a future, we were doomed. We had not changed, and what had changed was something we had no control over.

Before the divorce was final, our family friend, Tommy Woo, whom I spoke about in my last post, and his wife flew to Chicago to try and talk to my father. I’ll never forget the look of heartbreak on Tommy’s face that night as he told us about the day. He and my father had been so close, he thought for sure that he would at least talk to him. When Tommy arrived at my father’s office, my father promptly got on the elevator. Tommy and his wife followed. They rode together to the 1st floor. The doors opened,  and my father walked away without saying a word.

It’s difficult to have faith when your world seems to crash in on top of you. In moments like these, and those that are even worse, it’s tempting to ask, “where is God?” I wondered about what would become of me and I also wondered if anyone knew or even cared about how much I was suffering.

“What is the cost of 5 sparrows, two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. The very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” 

Luke 12:6-7

Both verses gave me hope, hope that somehow I would be taken care of. Yes, I suffered, and there was more suffering to come. But, God does not fail to follow through on his promises and to bless those who have suffered.

This is a 2-part story, come back next week to hear about the blessing 🙂


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